Lately my life has been consumed watching the Olympics and nothing makes you feel less accomplished than seeing people 8 years younger than you competing for medals while the world watches on. I mean when I was 16 just getting up before 5pm on a Saturday was impressive, I decided to start aiming low pretty early on you see in the great words of Homer…. Simpson “The lesson is ‘never try’” ahhhh such wisdom. Also nothing makes you feel more unhealthy, I am sure I’m not the only one sitting in my pj’s on the sofa munching on BBQ Doritos and spinach dip feeling exhausted just watching them skate around that track. For a split second I feel inspired to work out, then I think about what that actually means, hours sweating and panting looking like a big red sweaty tomato, suddenly that desire to run on a treadmill like I’m chasing after the last cupcake on earth just disappears.
The Olympics does have some good effects though, for example I now seem to think I’m Canadian which is amusing I find my self saying “OMG I hope we win”, we? when did I become Canadian and how do I feel I am contributing enough to any team to consider the success of athletes even partially mine. I mean I don’t watch the Grammys and hope “we” win best album even though I have listened to Lady GaGa’s album like it is some sort of religious ritual. I also love the freedom it gives me to pretend I get sports suddenly using every hockey term I have overhead and praying I used them at a reasonable time, the downside is when the person your watching it with does understand sports and replies…. luckily there is a phrase for just this moment “Totally…GO CANADA”, works every time or in case of emergency say anything anti-USA but not about 911 because then you hit a “too soon” moment.
To sum up: Eat Junk, Watch TV and Revel in the reflected glory of others 